I feel bad for the producers, because it's going to be hard to top last season -which was their first All-Star Season.
The cast was revealed during Good Morning America on Tuesday morning. I don't think I've ever said "WHO?!" so many times as when this underwhelming cast was announced. Lindsay Lohan would have been great for the show (ratings-wise) if she had accepted those $500K.
Enjoy reading the best predictions you'll read, plus a very interesting arrest count of the cast.
And the Season 16 Stars are...
In The Danger Zone:
11. Lisa Vanderpump
Pro: Gleb Savchenko
WHO and WHO?!?! She's one of the 2864 Real Housewives. He's a newbie.
10. Victor Ortiz
Pro: Lindsay Arnold
Victor apparently is a boxer. Lindsay is an unknown for most. Not for me because I am a huge So You Think You Can Dance fan, and she is an SYTYCD alum with a Latin Ballroom specialty.
Pro: Kym Johnson
Ingo is a soap star. I'm not a housewife, so I've never seen this man.
I'll tell you why he got paired with Kym - because they're both hot! Producers love potential love affairs brewing in front of the cameras à la Kelly & Val.
Prediction: Mirror Ball? Not happening. Love? Unluckily for the producers, Ingo is married (Kym is single).
Middle of the Pack:
Pro: Sharna Burgess
Another of the few big stars of the cast, but white male comedian dancing? Yeah, not promising.
Sharna was in the Dance Troupe. Producers paired Sharna with a big male star because they know the lifetime of a new pro is not too long.
Prediction: Disaster. He'll need a hand from his fans.
7. D.L. Hughley
Pro: Cheryl Burke
He's a comedian, I'm reading? That's always good because it means charm, charisma and showmanship, which viewers like. Cheryl is a seasoned pro and knows what it takes to bring out the best dancer in every person.
Prediction: Yeah, good luck.
6. Wynonna Judd
Pro: Tony Dovolani
One of the biggest stars in the cast. Wynonna admitted DWTS producers have been trying to lure her in for a while now. She finally gave in, and she's probably the highest-paid star in the cast. She gets the reigning Mirror Ball Trophy winner as partner. Not surprising because he's a veteran and producers pair the most famous pros with the biggest stars.
Prediction: Something tells me Wynnona can't dance to save her life. However, fan bases are huge here and they might push her through.
5. Zendaya Coleman
Pro: Val Chmerkovskiy
Zendaya?! OK. She's the youngest contestant ever, and she's from Disney... shocker.
For those of you who don't know, Disney owns ABC, so it's probably somewhere in the contract to include a Disney star in the cast. Also, they probably pick a not-so-famous one that needs a little help with ratings.
Prediction: Good things about Disney stars is that those kids are triple threats -meaning that the girl will probably have some moves. Also, Val has a big fan base, so they might be like Top 5.
4. Dorothy Hamill
Pro: Tristan MacManus
One of my hopes for this season was "Please, don't give Tristan MacManus another old lady -or at least give him an able-bodied partner." The producers chose to please me, but only on one count. It's like the producers just don't want him to win.
Let's not talk about last season when he got Pamela Anderson who was as bad as Steve-O and Master P. In past seasons, he's gotten Nancy Grace, Gladys Knight -all nice, older ladies, but it's hard for an older star to take the trophy given the physical challenge. That's what happens when you appear to be too nice and patient: producers give you an older lady.
Prediction: This couple could do Top 4... maybe even Top 3, because she has a killer & inspiring "sob story" as a breast cancer survivor. She's an olympic skater meaning that she has the discipline, technique, grace and performance skills. He -just look at him. Every woman in America wants to vote for him to keep him and his accent around as long as possible.
Pro: Karina Smirnoff
Reigning Super Bowl champ! Good job scoring him on the cast, DWTS bookers.
If you saw the reveal, Jacoby and Karina already have some serious partner chemistry going on. They gave us a little dancing and I'm a fan of the couple already. Count on them to bring some fun to the dancefloor.
Prediction: A source connected to Jacoby tells me then man can DANCE. Sadly, let's be honest, Karina Smirnoff is not the best choreographer of the pros. Still, these 2 have the potential to make it to Top 3! Can we call them Karoby?
2. Aly Raisman
Pro: Mark Ballas
Nice -a Fierce 5! Mark Ballas gets another olympic gymnast. Sadly, it's not McKayla Maroney. The producer's train of thought here is that Mark and Derek are the two pros with the biggest young female fan bases, so they get young, cool stars. I'm sure Aly & Mark already have all sorts of fan bases set up and twitter accounts rooting for them.
Prediction: One of the best choreographers in the bunch paired up with a disciplined star with loads of technique? It's bound to succeed! My only advice to them is that Aly needs to bring on the charm, because she's totally on the shy side. Viewers love a charismatic star.
P.S. Can we please have her parents in the audience every day!?
1. Kellie Pickler
Pro: Derek Hough
This was my tweet before the reveal:
Thanks for listening, producers!
Prediction: Have no idea how good a dancer Kellie Pickler is, but if she can move slightly rhythmically -they've got this.
Why? Kellie is the epitome of charisma and the audience will eat her up. Also... Derek Hough! He is the best DWTS choreographer and of course, his fan base!
P.S. Husbands being forced to watch DWTS will enjoy watching Kellie's killer body on the dance floor.
For those wondering on the arrest count of this season's cast: 8.
Lindsay Lohan would have been of great help to this count.
Best. Predictions. Ever.?
...or do you disagree?
Comment below or tweet me at @itsaPopOD.