Bachelorette: Who did Emily choose?

Girls all around America were able to have their own Super Bowl Sunday in July. Well, Bachelorette Sunday, that is. We treated it just like a Super Bowl game -except we were drinking wine instead of beer.

Chris Harrison had some scary ways to describe the finale in the intro... calling it unpredictable and telling us there would be some shocking secrets. Our minds were racing. What could be the shocking secrets? Is Ricki not an only child? Is Lil' Ricki dropping the "Lil'," like Lil' Romeo? Would Jef or Arie need to get Brad Womack's blessing?

Meeting the In-Laws

Everyone has dad's blessing.
Emily's fam was quite intimidating. The bro was frightening me. Of course, Jef just has a way with words and managed to get everyone on board Team One F. Those beautiful flowers for the ladies didn't hurt either!

Then came Arie -flowerless Arie. In clear disadvantage from the start. It got awkward when Arie started talking about fishing, but not more awkward than when Ryan talked to Ashley Hebert about water heaters. Then, it got really awkward. Even though, the Maynards pretended to like Arie's gift, there's nothing cute about a little casket with dead roses. Arie did manage to win the family over, especially brother Ernie who wouldn't stop smiling. Maybe he wanted tickets to a car race.

By the way, Emily's dad is more into giveaways than Oprah... It was a blessing giveaway!

Jef's Never-ending Date
Cutest Little Family Ever.

For a minute there, we were all wondering if Arie had withdrawn from the competition. However, for the most part, we were just falling even more in love with Jef, who insisted to meet Ricki. Emily did eventually decide to introduce them. And how did it go? I'll just tell you I don't deserve to have friends based on how I bawled my eyes out seeing Jef, Emily and Ricki be a family. 

For the rest of the date, we were showered with cuteness. Jef and Emily tried to out-thanks each other. Then, there was the way Emily looked at Jef, which was a spoiler all by itself. The Bachelorette with the accent also told Jef that Ricki had asked if he was coming back the next day. Now, we're sure Ricki won't be engaged 3 times before finding the right man -she knows how to spot them at first sight.

This photo of Arie might have had
something to do with Emily's decision

Emily Makes Up Her Mind

What? Already? No date with Arie? The adorable family date with Jef in the pool might have sealed the deal. Emily said she  was ready or maybe not so much to say goodbye to the race car driver. 

I was secretly hoping Emily would deliver the news close to a balcony, so Arie could pull a Jason Mesnick and cry inconsolably while leaning over the rail. Instead, the producers decide to milk the situation, and make this even sadder for Arie and America.

For an unclear and evil reason, the date is still happening and Arie is sent to make love potions with some lady. For a second there, we thought the lady was going to deliver the breakup news. Then, it gets really sad and awkward when Arie greets Emily announcing how happy he is to share with her the love potion he just made. That's when we realized the breakup would be more painful than the rash Emily would get after rubbing that weird love potion in her body.

Painful to watch. The man had no idea. Emily wouldn't stop crying. There was confusion and shock, and a sad hug featuring Arie's heartbeat (which I hope wasn't added in postproduction!) Arie should have used Ben Flajnik's "Don't sugarcoat it" line, but he went with something else. Poor Arie -it was clearly the fault of that lady with that failed love potion.

Neil Lane Time!
The jewelers of our time are just like family, aren't they? I think Jef confused Neil with Emily's dad, because he sure opened up to him. At this moment, we figured another of the reasons why Emily chose Jef is because he'd pick a nice ring.

Best. Proposal. Ever.

Holy Jef! This man just has a way with words. Someone hire him to write romantic novels or something. I couldn't really see the whole thing because my tears were getting in the way. Then, I almost had an emotional breakdown (of the good kind) when little Ricki ran out to join her newly appointed step-dad in the celebration. At that moment, women all across America lost their s#it. 

After The Final Rose

Arie is sad... bla bla bla. (Class act, though!)

And then... Jemily time. It's a Cuteness O.D.! Chris Harrison, again, was a genius couples counselor with gems like "We've heard why you're so perfect, and quite frankly, I'm over it." Chris Harrison is clearly jealous of Jef.

There were more love confessions and proclamations. Photos of the new family. Emily glowing. Jef being brilliantly eloquent and perfect. Then, Emily tells Jef she'll have to pay him back for all the compliments -that naughty Bachelorette! We know what she meant.

We kept waiting for the alleged shocking secret. I was expecting an "I'm pregnant" bombshell from Em. Nope. There wasn't such thing. They did reveal that Jef is moving to Charlotte and reinforced their perfect couple status by saying they're headed to Africa to do charity work. They also talked wedding plans -no date though. And like this, every woman in America is now hopeful they'll find a Jef Holm. Good luck, you dumb ladies!